|My parents hate my lovers. That, I can prove. I read in Cosmo that a girl should say she's had three lovers. Helen Gurley Brown said there may have been more or less, but a girl should say three. Although I am old enough to vote twice, let's look at these three.|innuendo8.html|_self
|This Married Man was not married to me. Mom hated that. Dad hated him because they shared a birthday, and I only had pocket change for one card. Sorry, Dad. That weekend I replaced the crystal twice.|innuendo8.html|_self
|Both my parents agreed that the crazy one, handsome and charming even as he punctured my tires, was a dreadful human being. Since they haven't agreed on anything since their 1975 divorce, I was happy to be a source of accord. Neither one was wild about his job prospects after getting a Ph.D. in a social science. During sex once he mentioned his crush on my sister, earning additional loathing from all my siblings.|innuendo8.html|_self
|Indecisive Man was moderately hated by both parents. Mom disliked him less than most because he was gorgeous, but hates him plenty for moving out three times. He lost hate points with Dad for defragging Dad's hard drive.|innuendo8.html|_self
|When this man left last spring, I thought I would die. In fact, I am alive and paying the bills. Three silver dresses, Shisedo lipstick, and gold highlights. Washboard abs, new radials, lemon grass soup. What do I tell the guitar player?|innuendo8.html|_self
|I have acted in fetish films. This involves a group of people carrying suitcases into a motel room, and, depending on the fetish, little or no sex taking place. It is a fact, although you didn't see it and can't know it yourself, that the motel staff was upset by our presence. Had we stayed longer, they would have called the police, who would have arrested us. That, too, is a fact. Two adults behaving sexually is not a crime in New Jersey, unless they're gay men. Refusing to arrange your child's funeral is not a crime. Four adults checking into a motel with video cameras and costumes, some of whom tickle each other with feathers for two hours, are committing a crime. What is your opinion of the word "crime"?|innuendo8.html|_self
|What people hear and remember interests me. Please take my word for it.|innuendo8.html|_self
|...I can't prove this, because a friend told me a story his friend told him. On the New Jersey Turnpike, where photographing anything is a crime, enormous cranes load freight cars onto ships in Port Elizabeth. My friend's friend was an engineer responsible for keeping the freight cars, unloaded from trains and trucks, moving. One morning, he stood at his office window with a cup of coffee in hand. He stood there a long time before turning to his officemate and asking, "Say, how many cranes are supposed to be out there?" His officemate looked puzzled. My friend's friend said, "I thought there were six." They were looking at five. They went to their supervisor, who also wasn't sure. The three ran to his supervisor, who didn't know how many cranes there should be, and then to his. Soon, nearly a dozen engineers and vice presidents stood in the office windows, coffee cups in hand, pointing at the pier. A driver was dispatched to the pier's end, and, sure enough, one of the cranes had fallen over into the water. No one knew how long it had been missing.  As I said, I can't prove this. I drove there and saw six cranes.|innuendo8.html|_self
|The proof of a lost presence may lie in its suddenly discovered absence and the way that absence can be discovered anew, time and again. Or maybe not. Maybe that is my own opinion, and not fact.|innuendo8.html|_self