|Recently, my lover and I parted company, though I did not murder him. One hundred percent of my friends said, "Good. Happy you broke up." Was a rumor circulating that I lived with a serial killer? I can't prove it, but I believe he was not.|innuendo5.html|_self
|This is a footprint map of your break-up. The steps:|innuendo5.html|_self
*|Visit your best friend's house. Cry your eyes out. Your best friend's job: to tell you your lover was not good enough for you. Wonder why your friend thinks you show poor character judgment. Cry some more.|innuendo5.html|_self
*|Go to Macy's. Replace those broken plates. For break-ups on a budget, try the Dollar Store. This is especially economical if you pursue rebound relationships with stable people, like guitar players and poets.|innuendo5.html|_self
*|Go to bars. Drink too much. Cry your eyes out.|innuendo5.html|_self
*|Go to parties, where you are no fun. Be seen crying on helpless but brutally attractive strangers.|innuendo5.html|_self
*|Go to malls. Wander aimlessly.|innuendo5.html|_self
*|Go to the last place you went together. Cry your eyes out.|innuendo5.html|_self
*|Bump into your ex. Start over.|innuendo5.html|_self
|Optional steps for more experienced dancers:|innuendo5.html|_self
*|Join a gym or diet center. You're never too old to acquire an eating disorder, and bile rots your expensive dental work.|innuendo5.html|_self
*|Raid clothing stores, on a spree that totals your credit cards. But you look great, serving your ex right.|innuendo5.html|_self
*|Therapist visit/suicide attempt. High marks for leaving no visible scars and getting your HMO to pay for rehab.|innuendo5.html|_self
*|A series of embarrassing one night stands. Preferably in your tiny hometown, where your parents live.|innuendo5.html|_self
|These are high risk activities, like skydiving, and annoying your hairdresser.|innuendo5.html|_self